I caught a burglar…in my sleep

I work hard for my meals.

I am bored. The house has been quiet for at least three hours and didn’t even bother to get up and check if anyone was here. The oscillating fan above me is buzzing, and nothing to do. The couch feels very comfy and I have no desire to participate in any activities right now.
A nap, perhaps, would make me feel better, but I am slightly distracted by the new ASPCA commercial playing on TV every 15 minutes or so.
I watched all the dogs and cats in distress, and it made me sad. Quickly, I realized that I, too, can be a star on TV. I just have to practice my sad face a little more.
I know I do a good job already, because my owners always pay more attention to me when I sigh heavily and drop to the floor and stare in space. Or, when I just sit pretty and stare at them until my eyes water. They actually think I am crying and wipe my face. Of course, they pet me more than any other time and I get a biscuit or a carrot. I love carrots! I love all food for that matter.
Sometimes, I  get to sneak all my three paws on the sofa to become a lap dog before they realize I am a little heavier than they can hold and I am being pushed away and told to sit. I was sitting. On their lap, but I guess they don’t like that much. That is bullshit. I am a ” what a cute little puppy Rottweiler!” lap dog. They told me that since they brought me home in a blanket. What changed?
My sad face gets me pretty much anything I want. I don’t know why they make me lift my paws though. First, they want the paw, then the other, and then “high-five”. Can they just give me my treat without turning me into a circus animal? And what is all this “wait”, ” Sit” and ” Stay” before I get my breakfast and dinner? This is getting ridiculous. The more TV I watch, the more I realize I should be in that ASPCA commercial. I feel used, abused and neglected. I think it’s been already three and a half hours since no one said: ” get your ass off that sofa!”. That’s it! I will no longer work as all day and night guard dog they want me to be. It’s nap time!

I want THIS bed for my birthday!



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